So my pal Alice and I were out at the Improv, the famous comedy club on Melrose Ave. Being in the comedy world, you were almost always guaranteed to run into someone you know there, or at least a few celebs.
It was busy, and bustling, and Alice spotted Jerry Seinfeld, who she had a big crush on, and he had just finished his set. This was way before "Seinfeld". We went over to him, and he was talking with a few other guys, and I guess he and Alice were acquainted, they chatted a bit, and then he said he had to have a "comedy pow wow", so we left them to their business, and went to drink some wine.
So we are having our wine, and looking around the room. We thought we might hit another place, and Alice mentioned her friend's after hours underground dance club, so that was always an option. It was starting to get a little late, and I spot this guy in the bar.
"Hey, Alice", I said, "isn't that that cute guy from that show "Moonlighting"?"
"Oh, yeah", she said, "I like him".
"Me too", I said. "Let's go kidnap him!"
We walked into the bar, and Bruce was just tossing back the last of his cocktail, or beer, or whatever it was he was drinking, and when his head came back, he looked at us standing next to him.
"Hi", I said. "My girlfriend and I want to kidnap you. We're going to an underground club, want to come?"
He looked at me then at her, and said, "Well, I have some other people with me".
"Bring 'em."
He rounded up his posse; who all called him Bruno. It was his name he used in a band he played in. There were 3 or 4 others, including a couple of girls, and his brother, David. They all went in one car, and Bruce jumped in my car in the front seat between us. I had a Maverick with a bench seat. He settles himself in between us, and points at Alice and says, "You, are pretty darn cute." He then turned to me, and points to me and said, "And you are exactly cute." Driving away from the Improv, through West Hollywood, he had Russian Hands and Roman Fingers with the two of us.
"Hey, I'm driving!", I said, and waved his hand away. We headed toward Sunset and Vine, to a old auto repair garage on a side street. We found parking, and as we walked by the Cinerama Dome theater, Bruce steps up to the wall in the front foyer area outside of the theater, unzips his pants, and relieves himself!
We get to the garage, and could hear the music throbbing within. The posse met up with us. Alice got all six of us in. We all danced in, and danced together in a big group, to one great song after another, and did not stop for, oh, maybe a couple of hours. Finally, Bruce drenched in sweat, danced closer and shouted, "Let's go up to the house!"
We got back to my car, and winded our way up into the Hollywood Hills. I thought, "Oh, good, maybe we can talk now, and get to know him a little bit". As soon as we got in the house, music was on, champagne was popped, and the guys took all their clothes off and jumped in the pool! David, Bruce's brother, asked us girls if we wanted a t-shirt to wear in the pool. I thought that was nice and considerate of him. He took us into the bedroom, and pulled out t-shirts for all of us to wear. Once in the pool, Bruce was going around to everyone, and pouring champagne in their mouth, and whooping and hollering. It was all very fun and funny, and the guys were all cutting up, and jumping in and out of the pool. We were all having a great time.
After a while, I realized, this guy is never going to stop! I'm never going to be able to sit down and talk to him. He did not stop jumping around and hooting and hollering the whole night! I was getting tired, and the sun was starting to come up. Pumpkin Time.
"Come on, Alice," I said, "I think I'm ready to go. You can stay, but I want to go." She decided to come too. So we dried off and got back in our clothes, and started to say our "Thank yous and Good-byes, and as we were making our way to the door, Bruce jumps out of the pool, naked, dripping wet, runs past us, and bars the door with his wet, naked body.
"No, don't go! You can't go yet!" We just stood there looking at him.
"It's late, we're tired, the sun is coming up", we kept saying. He would't let us out.
"We can do it again", I said, "here, we'll give you our numbers, and we fished out a pen and paper from purses, and wrote down our phone numbers.
"Ok, bye! See you later!" We made a move for the door. Then, he wouldn't let us leave until we shook "little Bruce" good-bye! We looked at each other.
It was late. We were tired. The sun was coming up. He wouldn't move from the door. What's a girl to do?
Epilogue
We got out the door.
A few days later, Alice and her roommate partied with them again. Even though I was on a real date, and couldn't go, I was still jealous when I heard. (Her roommate made it with David)
A few weeks later, I see a tabloid with a big front page story about Bruce Willis' wild parties, and how all the neighbors were complaining. Damn. Those front page stories are big bucks!
Less than a year later, I see in the tabloids, Bruce Willis married Demi Moore.
Many years later, I am talking with my friend who writes for the tabloids, and got on the subject of Bruce Willis,and she starts telling me this story about how these two girls took Bruce from the Improv and had a wild night of partying!
"Uh, that was me," I said. "You mean you heard about it from someone else!?" "Oh, yeah, it was going around", she said. "That was you? I had no idea!"
Yep,that's me. Hollywood Party Girl.
